I met Linda Partida a few years back and we started what would become an on-going conversation about life, food, healing and well-being in general. I wanted to address several issues including extreme fatigue, loss of loved ones in my life, weight issues and just overall not feeling well or myself.
One important thing I wanted her to understand about me was that I had already achieved big weight losses in my life. Always to just gain it ALL right back plus much more. I expressed to her that dieting never seemed to “stick” for me and I had tried everything; from carbs to no-carbs, high-fat, low- fat, Weight Watchers, and fasting, severe exercising –basically everything minus “the surgery.”
So together we began to explore my life and health from a big picture approach and took in all aspects of my life and health for consideration. We examined major life foundation and emotional issues and behaviors I was exhibiting. The first and number one thing I noticed right away about Linda was that there was absolutely NO-JUDGEMENT on her part, of anything. Things were simply and non-judgmentally listened to, accepted and discussed and none of my thoughts, ideas or feelings were wrong or bad—they just were.
She literally “made room” for me to be me just as I was in the present moment and it was okay and to have and express my very deepest thoughts, sadness, hopes and confessions about my life, body, health and actions.
The other thing I relaxed into with Linda was that there was no sense of urgency on her part, although my situation needed change and we both wanted that for me it was understood that this was a process and we were going to give me the room to do whatever I needed or it took to get me there the RIGHT way. Not trying to “fix” me with pills, pushed upon programs or dieting with results that would not last long term.
It’s an interesting exercise to try and paint a picture of our accumulated work together because it’s been a “road” to say the least. Our goal has been to literally SHIFT my internal motivations and drives in my life vs. putting me on a program or diet of sorts. It has taken a combination of modalities and an accumulation of deep and real conversations and sessions together to achieve this goal.
Having said that, the mere fact that I’ve personally “shifted” mentally to a new place where I actually desire to examine and self-correct my eating habits and portions and my desire to exercise IS the actual result of our work itself.
The change I feel inside of me is REAL and PERMANENT not something any other program can say. The shift toward taking care of me has come in waves and quite surprisingly. One in the form of a personal desire to simply do what I need, like getting myself to the gym and eating better quality of foods, actually WANTING to make better choices for me and being interested in finding out what those are.
It’s so much easier to opt for what my body needs when there is no longer an obsessive drive to overeat or binge on inappropriate foods.
Back when we started working together Linda had once said, “what if you could just simply make a different choice for yourself?” At the time I thought she was crazy…why would I do that? I was at that point still very controlled by my cravings and desire for comfort from food. I remember replying, “Well that will never happen – it’s not who I am!” Now I can see and feel inside of me what she meant. That’s how I know I’ve changed. I actually want and desire to make the different choices now for my life and I am more in control of my mental decisions around those choices.
Linda also said to me, “I wonder what it would feel like if one could have the effects of weight-loss surgery without actually having the surgery…” We entered into a discussion around what that would be like, feel like, what the internal conversations with oneself would look like. These questions and many others like them are how we’ve made a mental adjustment around life behavior and actually changed habits.
I started to think lately…if I am in control of my behavior and of my mind then why couldn’t I be in control of my decisions around how much, what and how often I eat, live and feel? Why then couldn’t I also master my desires for what I eat, when I eat, how I live my life? This is a breakthrough to be sure.
This has been again, a process, using various modalities and with many incantations along the way.
Each moment of shift has certainly had a new level of change in my life but as of late I’ve seen a more final result and success in terms of my behavior. I’ve gotten to know a new relationship with self, emotions and food. I’ve been experimenting with hunger and fullness in general. I’ve been re-introduced to my own hunger and desire for food and more importantly at each moment why I am eating or more importantly not eating.
Again, for me, the weight-loss is secondary to creating a lasting change inside of me. Anyone can lose weight. This we know. But to keep it off, change a relationship with food for life and uncover one’s self-love and truly wanting to care for ourselves is a monumental internal shift to say the least!
Many thanks to you Linda!
